Here’s the good news – if you’re reading this, you’re already halfway there. You’re a PROUDgirl – you care about yourself, others, and the community. You know what’s
important, and you know how to stick to it. But, as many of you may be finding out,
adhering to your standards might feel increasingly difficult as you enter and
explore the dating world. Pressure from friends or boys might make you lean
towards making a decision you’d never thought you’d even consider, and, when it
comes to dating, it’s extremely vital to recognize your choices and be proud of
them. I’ve compiled some of the best advice I’ve been given, read, or seen about
dating for you below. While it’s not easy, these tips can help you be Proud and
stay Proud – and hopefully find someone who can appreciate you for just who you
are.

1. LIKE ATTRACTS LIKE – What does this mean? Simply put, the qualities you exude attract
others with similar qualities. If you want to build a relationship with someone
kind, compassionate, and respectful, first learn to show these qualities yourself.
For example, if you advertise that you like drinking or drug use, someone you’re
dating may expect you to have the same qualities of someone that engages in
those behaviors. While of course not every person who drinks or does drugs is
the same, others might offer you less respect when they know you take emotional
and physical risks regularly like drinking or doing drugs. They might not
respect you, because they assume you don’t respect yourself. The bottom line is
– how you act defines who you attract.

2. USE YOUR INSTINCTS – This is some of the best (and truest) dating advice I’ve
gotten. Getting to know someone you might date can be filled with gray areas –Was
she joking? Is he being sarcastic? Did I say something wrong? You might want to
brush off a comment someone’s said to you because you don’t know them too well
yet. If something someone’s said has made you feel uncomfortable, or you’re
getting a general “bad vibe” from the person – chances are your gut is telling
you the truth. In your heart and head, you know the type of people you want to
be around, and your gut is giving you a heads up that this person just isn’t
it. LISTEN to your instincts and quit
while you’re ahead (no pun intended) –they are almost always right.

3. NO MEANS NO – Sexual pressure can play a big role in the relationships of young
women. According to research conducted by the Kaiser Foundation, 50% of 12-17
year olds feel sexually pressured in their relationships. If you don’t feel
comfortable doing or talking about something, say no firmly right away. If your
significant other doesn’t respect this boundary, it’s time to head for the
door. Unfortunately, if someone is forcing you to do or talk about sexual
situations that make you feel uncomfortable, they don’t respect you enough to
respect your boundaries. Most importantly, if someone continues to sexually
pressure you, contact an adult, parent, or counselor you trust to combat the
situation.

4. THE GRANDMA RULE – I remember the first day I used the Internet. I was eight, and
sat on my dad’s lap as I listened to the static-y dial-up call of AOL. The
Internet has grown and became a fantastic resource for us PROUDgirls, but the
best advice I’ve got on using it came from my mother. “Think – when you put
something online, or send something to someone, would your grandmother approve?”
Though this may sound silly, it’s proven a good rule. Checking with my grandma
(in my head, of course) has prevented me from posting inappropriate words or
pictures. When you’re dating someone or just getting to know them, they may ask
you to send them a sexy picture or a picture of yourself. Seems harmless,
right? Wrong. What you might not realize is that, unless you completely and
utterly trust this person, you don’t know exactly what they’ll do with your
picture. They could send it to friends, or post it somewhere. What goes on the
Internet stays there forever, and your photos or words could come back to haunt
you when you’re in a different relationship or searching for a job or internship.
Someone who loves and respects you won’t ask you to do things that might
compromise your future success. Beware of your social network pages on
Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, etc., because often the photos and posts you host
aren’t totally private. These networks can be for fantastic things, such as
connecting old friends or talking with new ones, but they can also give your
information out for everyone to see. Before you get typing, check your account privacy
settings to make sure your page is seen by the only people you want to see it. And,
finally, the most cliché (but important!) tip of all:

5. BE YOURSELF! This one’s easy. You’re confident, smart, funny, and caring – and you
should date someone who sees that too. Changing yourself or what you do for
someone you date will only help you lose your identity – and that’s the best
part of you.

It’s hard to traverse the dating world and stick to these tips, but they’ll ensure dignity, class, and self-respect. They’ll help you define what you want and how you must
be treated in a relationship, and make weeding out the bag eggs much easier.